Garth Brooks singing 'Mom'

I have the greatest mom and I was blessed with the greatest mother in law.  Being a mom has been the greatest gift I've ever been given - I had to share this sweet song.

Random Ramblings

Its late Sunday night (Monday morning) and I have to leave on a business trip in the morning.  I've done this before - many times, but the whole week being gone doesn't happen often.  I never thought having kids would change me so much.  I never thought being away from them for a few days would fill me with so much anxiety.  I never thought I'd be such a homebody!  

The red bull I drank tonight to get everything done - wasn't a good idea as now I can't sleep, up wondering what I'm forgetting for my trip, what I'm forgetting to have ready for my kids and Mike.  The joys of motherhood.  

This time of year - with school starting, getting back into a routine and a schedule - I think of all the things I want for my kids.  How can I help them grow?  How do I teach them what is important in life.  How do I teach Sam the sounds of the letters!  How do I find more time to read to Jake.  I find myself picking between reading to him, having him read to me, taking a shower - why can't I find the time to fit it all in?  How do I find a way to balance work, quilting, house work, homework, being a decent wife, and mother?  I know this is the universal question we all ask and hope to achieve.  

My goal or word this year was balance.  A few months ago I changed jobs.  I had been at my old place of business for 18 years - half my life.  It was a hard decision to leave - even when I wasn't happy - it was life changing.  But I've moved to another company that gives me the opportunity to work from home daily - and gives me a better work/home balance and I haven't looked back or regretted the decision once.  This summer I have tried to spend more time outside with the kids.  The sun does us all good!  But as a mother - you always worry about what you're not doing.  I haven't worked with them enough over the summer.  What are they forgetting?  Are they in enough activities?  Are they getting enough attention?  

My red bull ramblings for the night....my friend takes ambien and then sews and texts me and doesn't remember much in the morning - I have a feeling I'll feel the same about this in the morning!  By the time this posts - I'll be on my way home.  My kids will have had a wonderful week with Disneyland Dad, and grandma's that spoil them with attention.  And all my worrying and anxiety will have been for nothing.  But boy do I hate not seeing these cute little faces EVERY day.  

Lesson's From Jake

Most days I ask Jake how school is going.  Who he played with at recess, what he learned about, if he was kind and had good manners. 

A few weeks ago - I picked him up from school and he got in the cry with big tears in his eyes saying this was the worst day ever. 

You see - at recess they have what he calls "Boys Club/Girls Club" the boys go into one area and the girls are in another.  In the past it didn't seem like much happened up to that point.  But today he said they all started hitting each other.  I asked him what he did.  "I went and told the teacher."  I asked what she did "nothing" he said.  So he had gone to play by himself and was so sad and lonely.  My heart just ached - as I didn't think I'd be having to deal with this so early on.  I told Jake I was very proud of him for doing what was right and for not hitting.  For trying to make the situation better. 

The next day he was upset again - told me he started his own club the "super hero club" and no one would join.  It makes me teary just thinking about it now.  I almost wanted to tell him to go back to the old club and hit the girls - to just fit in and not have to worry about being on his own.  I asked him what a few of his friends did at recess - and told him to go find those friends tomorrow.  To stay strong and just play with other kids.  There doesn't need to be a club - just play. 

The next day he told me Katie and Bailey joined the club - and each day after he'd tell me another name or two.  He has a lot of kids in his club now - and even has a cute girl who offers people treats to come join the super hero club.  haha. 

I am so grateful I have such a sweet kind child who knows right from wrong - he has such a good head on his shoulders - and he stayed strong even through a few tough lonely days on the playground.  Instead of giving in to peer pressure and going with the flow - he stood up for what he knows he should do - and was a leader.  I am such a proud mom - and terrified of what the next 16 years will bring.  I mean - if there is this much drama in 3 hours of school a day already ---- heaven help me.

Being a mom is the best. 

First Day of Kindergarten

My little Jake isn't so little anymore.  Yesterday was his first day of Kindergarten!

I can't believe that my little baby is old enough to be dropped off at this big school and be away from us everyday!

He was so excited to go - he woke up on his own about 30 minutes before I had thought I'd have to wake him up "Mom, did I wake up in time to go to school?"  He was excited and happy - and didn't seem nervous at all.  I on the other hand was sick to my stomach and a mess on the inside.

We went to meet his teacher and walk the grounds last week and was given homework to make this gingerbread man.  He decided he wanted clothes sewn onto him, so we made him this cute little outfit.  We stayed up way too late last Saturday coming up with ideas.  Everyone was asleep and he came downstairs to tell me he couldn't sleep at about 10:30pm - so we started on his gingerbread man's clothes.  We had a fun night and hopefully some memories for him.  

I'll admit to getting a little teary after he went inside.  I just can't believe he is big enough to go to school.  He is so ready for this and will love it - but its hard to let your kids grow up and do things on their own sometimes.  

This week has made me want to quit my job (ok I feel that way every week) and homeschool my kids so they are never out of my site.  I've been taking deep breaths knowing this is so good for him and for me - and its all part of growing up - for both of us.  

Next week Sam starts Pre-school and I know the first day of school he will be screaming for me to stay and I'll be bawling, wanting to take him home.  That one is going to be tough!  

At least Jake is easy and excited to be going to school.  This waking up early thing may kill me though!  

The joys of motherhood.

Motherhood

My boys have been getting along very well lately.  Playing together, laughing together, looking out for each other, excited for each other.  I think watching your kids love being together and having fun together may be the best part of being a mother.  Don't get me wrong - usually the wonderful moment ends in a fight - but the moment was still great.

Last night I was exhausted.  Came home from a long day at work, made dinner, cleaned it up, we ran a few errands and when we got home the kids were playing together.  Not needing any assistance from us parents - just playing and laughing and having a ball together.

I set up shop on the couch and started watching reruns of West Wing on Netflix.  The boys were playing games on the ipad.  Sam sitting next to me humming along to the Star Wars song on Angry Birds.  I paused my show to video him on my phone.  He had no idea - and he LOVES to watch videos of himself.  At the end of the song he saw me holding my phone and said "you can take my picture now".  This boy MELTs my heart.  He is a bundle of energy, stubborn, determined, thinks the world revolves around him.  But he is so much fun.  I love to listen to him talk to Jake and the conversations they have.  I love watching him play games and seeing his face expressions as he gets excited or frustrated.  He is so animated.

The boys went into their room to play together and I continued my show.  Every once in awhile pausing so I could hear their conversation.  My boys are into toys - and they watch kids review toys on YouTube (I blame my husband).  Sam can watch for hours - which is why YouTube has now been removed from the ipad - but last night they were in their room, and had set up toys across the desk.  I could hear them in there practicing their own reviews.  I was laughing out loud listening to my little Sammy describe the toy and what it does - and then you would hear him say "oh look, my brother Jake just came in" like he was introducing Jake into the mix now.  Crazy what these kids pick up at such a young age.  

Mike kept asking me if I was going to go down and quilt.  I needed to - it would have been a perfect night, fairly early, kids were playing well, but I just stayed in bed watching my West Wing, pausing the video to listen to my kids play together.  When it was time for bed - I didn't mind one bit that Sam wanted to sleep in my bed last night.  We snuggled up together and he said "Sure do love you mom".  

Days like this are the best part of being a mom.  I wish I could bottle up these days and keep them forever.  I wish I could be at home with them all day everyday.  Cause you blink and they are grown up - or in really bad moods the next day!  

The joys of motherhood.  

Run for my Money

This guy is giving me anxiety these days.  He is a bundle of trouble and is the most stubborn kid I've ever laid eyes on.  (I think my mom would say "just like his mom")

He does nothing he isn't up for - NOTHING.  He rules this house and I often think I'm going to change that, but he always has other ideas.  The hard part about this boy is that he is sooooooo cute, so funny, so full of life and personality, it makes it difficult to follow through with much - and frankly following through doesn't matter at all to this kid.

I have taken on the attitude that I have to pick my battles, or he and I would be going at it all day every day.

This week we went to Target.  We had just gotten these pictures taken, he cried through the whole process (there is a tear below his left eye if you can see it).  He screamed the whole time we were in the car (Whit, maybe he was trying to be like Wren?) and hadn't taken a nap.  You could call him a nightmare - and I did.

Once inside Target he was running around the isles.  Screamed if he was in the cart, I mean - at a certain point I was offering him up to anyone who would have him (not really, but the thought crossed my mind).  He ran into an isle where I couldn't see him.  Jake went running after him and I hear Jake say "Sam, you can't just wander away from us.  You have to stay where we can see you - do you understand?"  At least I've raised a good mom in Jake!

We continued down another isle and I hear Sam quietly saying under his breath, "Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh" over and over again.  He ran to the end of the isle, hopped on a pink tricycle and was off and pedaling.  So excited to have found him a bike!  Jake yelling "Get off, thats a girls tricycle" running after him.

As he turned the corner, and again out of my eye sight I hear him saying again "Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh".  He found a Cars tricycle.  By the time I got around the corner he was speeding right past me and down the main isle at Target.

This kid is fast - and he was finally happy.  So I let him ride the tricycle the whole time we were in the store.  He went up and down about 10 isles.  Speeding, swerving to miss the carts.  Most people laughed as they saw him speed past them.  But I always wonder - are people wondering what kind of mom would let their child be this out of control?  And then I think - live with him for an hour and you'll understand our life choices.  And at this point in my life - Sam is king.

BTW - he so tried to shoplift the tricycle out of the store, and it would have been SO easy.  But I made him leave it between the 2 doors in the exit.  Yes he made it all the way past the first door!

CRAZY KID!  Give me some hope - will he grow out of his need for speed?  His need to cry?  His need to have everything his way?  Please say this is a 2 year old phase - and in 2 short weeks at the stroke of midnight on his 3rd birthday he'll chill out a bit?

All in all - He is crazy - but he's my crazy and I love this little bundle of trouble.

Happy Thoughts

I know this picture isn't a great shot or great quality - but it is my two little ones playing together.  Sam playing with this little figurines making some type of noise.  Jake with his headlight on, tongue out putting together his legos.  Playing together - having fun - no fighting (at this moment).  

I've waited FIVE LONG YEARS for this to occur.  

Sewing the other night I sat back and listened to them playing in the exercise room.  They turned the elliptical into Mickey's Fun Wheel from Disneyland and were laughing and playing.  There is nothing better than sitting back and listening to your kids giggle together.  I think this may be my new favorite sound in the world.  Five years of chaos was worth the wait to have them playing happily together each day, even if its only for a few stolen minutes before the fighting starts!  

Mothers

Source: i.imgur.com via Abby on Pinterest

I am lucky to have a wonderful mother, mother in law, sisters, grandmothers, aunts, cousins and friends who are constant reminders of what great mothers are made of.

Source: eighteen25.blogspot.com via Abby on Pinterest

What a wonderful idea to have a day to honor mothers. After all - it is by far the hardest job around.
Happy Mothers day to all you mom's out there. We all deserve a little pampering today.

Source: google.com via Abby on Pinterest

I have been blessed to have inherited a mother in law that is so kind and fun to be around. She spoils me and my kids and is so helpful and kind.

Source: flickr.com via Abby on Pinterest

Happy Mothers day to my mom especially. Thank you for being a great example to me and for always being there for me and my family. Love you!

Polly

This morning I was running Jake up to my mom's to go to church.  He started off by singing Show Me The Way to go Home - a family favorite.  Then the chatter began.  Telling me how when he gets big he can do this or that.  I wasn't saying much, just smiling to myself listening to his constant chatter.  He than said, "you know mom, I can be anything I want when I grow up."  I smiled again and turned to him and said "Of course you can.  Anything you want."

It amazes me how much of my mom I see in Jake.  The things he says, the songs he sings, the hugs and I love you's that come from his actions.  All these things are little pieces of my mom.  My children get to spend 3 days a week with Grama Polly.  They are so excited every morning when the door knocks and they both go running to greet her.  How lucky and blessed we are to have her as such a presence in our our lives.  The lessons I learned from my mom - are now being taught to my kids - by my mom!

From the songs we were sung each night before we went to bed, which are now sung to my kids at nap time.  To days in the sun and pool which are some of my fondest memories.  My kids spend their summers outside playing with Grama Polly in the backyard.  Being taught that I can do anything I set my mind to, was drilled into my head by my mom since before I can remember.  That lesson is obviously being taught to Jake.  Him saying in the car today "I can be anything when I grow up" is 100% Grama Polly speaking to Jake.

My mom is such a fun, caring, strong, loving person.  I love to spend time with her and see her laugh and smile.  I love watching her with my kids, and the cute little inside stories and relationship they have.  I love watching her transform her house from season to season, throw a party, or work in her yard.  She has such an eye and hand on all things beautiful.  I am so impressed with how she has grown and the strength she has shown me all my life, but especially the last few years.

I am so grateful I have such a wonderful mother in my life, and in the lives of my kids.  We all love you. Happy Birthday mom!

CRAZY times

Do you ever feel like you're on a ride going crazy and can't get off? That is what Jake reminds me of in this picture, and its how I've been feeling lately.

I know all moms get down and overwhelmed. I'm not usually a complainer, and I'm a big believer in every day starts new. For the most part I can make that happen, but lately I've just wanted to go down in my sewing room and shut the door for weeks at a time.

I feel guilty because I have a full time job so I should revel in spending time with my kids right? Which for the most part I do, but with the boutique around the corner I have lots on my plate and my creative juices are flowing. If I had the time to get everything swarming around in my head done I'd be a happy camper.

I guess I've got a few more years of this constant companions, so I've got to such it up and enjoy the time!  Even if I have to fake it for a few days til I get feeling like my usually happy self.

Even I'll admit its hard to stay down for long with these two crazy boys making me laugh all day long  - with a little screaming now and then thrown in from all of us! 

12 Steps

Hello - my name is Abby and I have children.  SICK little children.  Shouldn't there be a 12 step program for mothers going through this?  I'm about ready to go crazy.  Between crying kids (which I feel really bad for, but it still wears on me) to NO sleep, I kind of want to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my eyes. 

To Big To Fast

I am amazed everyday at how much Jake is growing up.  Every day he does something new and I have to think to myself, he isn't my baby anymore.  On the way back from Hawaii he was in the middle seat sleeping.  It hit me like a ton of bricks that he is a toddler....a little boy...almost out of diapers...having conversations...when did this all happen????

He's riding around the yard in tricycles and big wheels.  He's swimming, he goes to swim lessons and gets in the pool all by himself, without his mom.  He sings/yells his abc's to me.  He helps with Sam.  He's a little person.  I never thought I'd be glad to have him in bed with me still at night, but I have to say, I love cuddling up to him each night.  He says "Goodnight Mom" in his cute little voice, "I love you." and closes his eyes for the night.  I love that he grabs my arm to put it around his little body.  So even though my baby is growing up, I'm happy to say he still loves to be held by his mom.  I dread the day that will change.

Until that day I'll keep snuggling with my guy.

Happy Mother's Day

What the heart of a mother gives away is never gone.  It is kept in the hearts of her children.

                                           -- J.R. Downing 

The moment Jake was born this feeling, an overwhelming feeling of the need to protect, the feeling of love, the worry, the joy.... the feeling of motherhood.  This feeling is one that cannot be described.  You can try, but it has to be felt.  I am sure fathers have similar feelings, but I am certain it isn't as intense as the feeling we mothers get. 

Life has never been the same since that day.  

Motherhood has taught me to appreciate mothers in general more.  Being a mother is the hardest job in the world.  Full of joys and fun, but also full of fears and heart break.  I have learned in my 2 1/2 short years as a mother that most mothers are doing the best they can, and we all should go easy on each other. 

I was raised by a wonderful mother.  She has taught me many things about life.  She was always our cheerleader, telling all of us kids we could accomplish anything we wanted.  She made us believe we could be successful with our dreams.  She made us feel loved.  I remember nights when I was little in my red and white bedroom saying prayers and being sung to sleep (something she now does with my own kids).  I remember shopping trips, and late night talks.  We worked together for years and shared lunches, and stories, and tears. 

Holidays, especially Christmas were always made fun and special by mom.  I can still hear mom singing along with Barbra Streisand Christmas carols as mom would turn our house into a magical place.  Two Christmas trees, garland, mantels being redone, the whole house looked new. 

I spent years with my mom at sporting events for my brothers.  She was always supportive and cheering us on at everything we tried to do.   Always running to give us rides, or running to meet us at a game, or running to get us a drink. 

My mom was always available if we needed her.  A pep talk, a gossip session, if I needed a good laugh or a good cry.  I've learned a lot from my mom, but the biggest lesson I learned was unconditional love.  I know no matter what life brings my mom will be there loving me and cheering me on. 

I am so grateful I have such a wonderful mom.  Now she is bringing her fun and wisdom to my boys as she plays with them 3 days a week.  Another lesson I've learned since becoming a mother is it takes a village.  I am so lucky that my mom is part of the village helping me raise my boys.  It has brought me so much joy to see the fun relationship she has with them.  She and Jake have their own little language.  They sing songs and have cute little names they call each other.  I am lucky to have such a loving grandma to watch over my kids.

I am surrounded by great women.  My mother, my mother-in-law, my sister, and sister-in-laws, cousins, aunts, friends.  I also had the two greatest grandmothers anyone could ask for.  I have been blessed in life to be around such brave, strong, independent women.  They have taught me a lot, molding me into the person I am today.  Loved me, laughed with me, cried with me, were always there for me.  On this Mother's Day I celebrate all of them.  As it was all of them who have made me into the mother I am today.

             Mother-in-law with Jake

 
                 Mother-in-law with Sam

                  Whit with Jake

                  Sister-in-law Mel with Sam

       Cousin Marta with her nieces.


Happy Mother's Day!

Perspective

I never knew I wanted a kid until Jake was pulled out of me.  I remember the instant feeling that came over me, that I had to protect this little boy at all times.  The ony thing I could think of was to send Mike into the nursery with Jake.  I didn't want anyone switching my baby for another...and trust me he was cute...someone would have wanted to trade him out!  The love you feel for your child...instantly....it was crazy.

Last weekend we were driving to St. George for a quick visit with Mike's parents.  I jumped into the back seat with the boys for a bit cause Jake was crying.  "I want to hold you" he kept saying.  He was getting tired and wanted to fall alseep, which he usually does with me hugging him.  So I climbed back there with him.  He instantly locked his arm around mine.  Holding hands he started to fall asleep.  I tried to pry myself loose from his arm thinking he was alseep and he grab on so I wouldn't let go.  I sat back wondering how long this would last.  How long will he want to hold my hand?  How long will he climb up onto the back of a chair I'm sitting in to hug me from behind?  How long will he come up and say "I love you mom"? 

We went to Little Gym last night and we ran around on the mat for the first few minutes.  All the kids are running around and being wild and crazy.  Jake ran around holding my hand the whole time.  If he let go to freeze or to jump or something, he grabbed my hand again as we started to run.  I found myself thinking again, how long will this last? 

I loved reading this post about perspective and being in the present.  Because these times won't last forever.  I will have time to live my life for me later.  Right now I need to and want to focus on my kids and be present for them.  The moments and conversations with Jake won't last forever.  Sam's smiling everytime I pick him up and giggling when he's getting dressed will end.  I have to remind myself that I will only get these moments once.  Sam's cute little face when his finishes his bottle, or how he tries to hold it already cause he's so hungry...those moments will be over in a blink of an eye.  I remind myself of this when I'm getting irritated because I want to get my quilt finished.  Or Sam is waking up 2 hours after his last feeding.  These are the moments I'm gonna miss.  Stay focused, stay present.  Keep holding their hands for as long as they'll let me. 

I never knew I wanted these two little ones til they were here.  And now I don't know what I'd do without them.

Defining a Movement

I saw this video on another blog and it really hit home. Right now with the addition of another kid and all the changes that come with it, I've been thinking about motherhood a lot. Its the most wonderful, rewarding, hardest, thankless job in the world. Next to impossible to explain to someone who isn't a mother how it will feel to become one. I think the pressure we put on ourselves as women and mothers is so crazy, yet we all do it and aren't sure how to stop. In the end, this is our job. It's our life. We all just have to learn how to balance it out a little and stay sane.

I know this video was made to promote a blog conference. I'm not posting it for that reason. I thought it was so truthful, uplifting, and beautiful.