Thursday, November 19, 2009

Change is in the wind

Two weeks from today is my delivery date. Over the last few weeks I've been trying everything possible to bring the labor on a little earlier. It just isn't working for me.

This morning I woke up a littler earlier then usual and laid in bed watching my baby Jake sleep. (Yes he ends up next to me every night). As I watched him sleep he looked so peaceful. He stretched a little which reminded me of him doing this as a little baby, and then stretched out so long I forget how tall he's gotten. My baby will only be my little baby for another 2 weeks is what came to my mind. Instead of trying to force this new little bundle out, I should focus my time and energy on Jake. He will only be my only child for such a short amount of time.

As he started to wake up, he rolled over to be spooned into a hug by Mike. When he finally opened his eyes, he rolled back over to me for the same little hug. How I love our morning ritual of waking up to this happy little boy. Over the past 2 years I've woken up to have him starring at me with a big smile. Or I've tried to wake him up and hear him mumble "I'm tired mom" as he rolls over and goes back to sleep. We often lay in bed for awhile after we wake up, playing a game, singing, watching a cartoon. Its time that we have together 1- because Mike and I are both tired and don't want to get up yet but 2 - has turned into such fun memories of hugs and kisses. Jake's first words and sentenances. Telling us what he wants to do that day. All these little memories we will forever have with him because of our morning ritual.

As I laid watching him this morning I wondered how our mornings would change. I'm sure with a new baby waking up, we might not have many of these mornings left in us for awhile. As ready as I am to not be pregnant, and to meet our new little guy, I don't know if I'm ready to give up these precious moments that may be hard to come by as the family grows. The moral of my morning is to enjoy the time I have left with Jake as the only child. It will only be for a few more days.

Does everyone have anxiety about bringing the 2nd child home? I worry so much about how Jake will react. What will he be thinking? How will this change his world? His personality? I know within a few months all will seem normal and he will love having a baby around, but the initial shock of it all is what worries me. Will he want us to send his brother back? When we were flying to California we saw a few babies on the flight. He said "look at the cute baby, he's so tiny." That little statement gives me hope and I can hear Jakes cute little voice saying it over and over in my head, hoping he has the same reaction when he meets his new little brother.

Until that day, I'll continue to cherish my mornings, as I will never have this "only child" time again.


Travelin'Oma said...

How come I didn't know about your blog? It's so cute!

I remember when Josh was born I kind of resented him for a minute, because he'd spoiled our cute little family. And I was so homesick for Gabi!

By the time I came home from the hospital, though, I already adored him. I figured it would just take a little time, and Gabi would adore him, too. It's been 38 years, and I don't think she adores him yet. But she's accepted him.

polly said...

before long you won't remember when you weren't "the four of you", but I remember feeling exactly like you do..and then along came Ty with those big brown eyes and I fell in love all over again.

whit said...

abby this is a great post!!! i don't have children but since i love yours, I can get maybe a slight feeling of that anxiety but i know that jake will love his little brother and will have a little buddy to play with. this is an exciting time for your family and i can't wait to meet the new little one and play with jake.

Heed said...

This is a great time to love Jake. I remember crying just because I felt so bad to do this to Lucy. It was a rough week or so... but seriously, she wouldn't even be her now without all these little sisters around. It's so good for them. They just don't know it yet, and may not for a while.
I'm so excited for you!