Thursday, September 5, 2013

My Baby Sam

I called Jake my baby the other day and Sam said "He's not your baby, he's big - I'm your baby." 
He is so my baby.  This week he started at his Pre-School and we are both having a hard time letting this happen. 
He was so nervous and anxious the first day.  When I dropped him off, he tried so hard not to cry.  So hard in fact that his lip was sticking out and trembling.  SO.HARD.TO.LEAVE.HIM.
I had about a 10 minute window to pick up Jake at his school and then driving to Sam's school 10 mins away to be there for his pick up.  I have never been so anxious and driven so fast in my life.  When I arrived at his school the line was out of the parking lot to pick up.  I zoomed around everyone and pulled up right up front - got out of the car to grab my kid - and he burst into tears.  "I missed you so much mommy" The teachers told me he had a few ups and downs throughout the day. 
When does your heart not hurt for your kids anymore?  Sam is so in his head - and gets use to a schedule that any disruption throws him off.  I was hoping today when I dropped him off it would be easier.  Its show n tell and that has been his #1 reason he wanted to go to Jake's school.  He has been dying to do show n tell. 
Well, it didn't matter - it was worse today.  The teacher told me to let go of him and hand him over and I said - "I'm not holding him"  He had his legs and arms wrapped so tightly around me I could completely let go of him and he didn't move.  He was SCREAMING hysterically.  I had to just hand him off and leave.  I got in the car and I cried hysterically.   
Why is growing up so hard - on us both?  Can't he just stay little forever? 
I want my happy, fun loving, carefree kid back.
And now I'm at work and can't even pick him up today!  I wonder if he'll break down crying when he sees Mike today.....or if that is something he saves just for me.  I love that he's a momma's boy - but boy does it make mornings emotional! 


Denise in PA said...

Ooooh, I feel for you. I don't think your heart ever stops hurting for your kids (mine now being 24), but I bet by next week's he'll be just fine! He's such a cutie. o:)

Donna said...

Rumor has it it never gets easier. My daughter starts high school Monday ... She's nervous and I'm a wreck!

Polly said...

It never gets easier. I just read your post and I am crying for you and for Sam. love, your mom

Karen said...

I have it on good authority that it never goes away, or even gets much better! I know mine hasn't and my boys are 29, and 32 today. College was trying, and I have one that has lived in Luxembourg and was in the UK previously for a year. It's not too bad while he's away, but the coming and going is heartwrenching. Hopefully he will warm up to school soon. I agree with you, I wish they didn't have to grow up.

Glynette said...

Oh how I feel for you!
All three of my children were "cling-ons" when they were young! We tried having the teacher pulling my child off my leg, crying & screaming all the while. I would go home sobbing just as hard! I was assured that I probably cried longer than he did, but it was heart wrenching!! We finally settled into a routine: I would play for a few minutes until he got too busy to notice me slipping out the door. Although my husband strongly disagreed with this practice, it sure made it easier for me and my child. And a lot less tears!
Hang in there and sooner or later you will find a routine that suits you and your son!

Sue Bennett said...

I know how you feel. BUT my Sam is 34 and I still don't want to let him go and he has a son and a daughter on the way.
You just never let go..